Life trauma tends to happen totally out-with your control, the aftermath can often feel as though there is no way out or that you are ‘stuck with feeling the effects of it forever’.
Some years back I was hit in a car head-on collision at the hands of 3 young men who had stolen a car and taken it for a ‘joy ride’. The car appeared out of nowhere, from round a bend in the distance the headlights tilted towards the edge of the road and they ‘clipped the curb’ at high speed. I was the passenger and remember ever single millisecond of the event, the smells, the sounds, the pictures…. It all seemed to slow time down and the memory remains very clear.
Later it was said that they tyre marks from the approaching car on the road were 70 feet in length, the estimated combined speed was around 100 to 120 miles per hour and a new fireman thought he was going to see his first fatality. We were very lucky to get out alive, yet I did not feel very lucky, I felt scared, vulnerable, angry and a bit of a victim.
As the car touched the curb in the distance I shouted to my new girlfriend (now my wife), that ‘they’re f@*$ing flying, they’re gona hit us’ or something to that effect. Sure enough the next thing we could hear (within less than a second) was the sound of their tyres and car screeching towards is and the impact noise sticks with me to this day… a loud BANG, then we both goth thrown about a but, airabags went off, the car flipped around to face the other direction and travelled about 15 feet down only on its front left tyre… a clatter as the back of the car landed back on the road and the smell of petrol and the ‘gun powder smell’ from the airbags that had saved our face from being shattered like a ceramic plate… Sarah was out cold for a few seconds, but felt like an eternity as I thought for a split second that she was dead… She was soon able to get out of the car and I helped her get her belt buckle undone as it had jammed shut.
The story continues with a series of mistakes at the local Accident and Emergency and the three males ran off into the night like rats up a drain pipe! Never to face the consequences of what they had done. The gap in the car finance, poor treatment of my wife for an unnoticed broken bone which was discovered at a second visit as she was wincing in pain… issues at work as I was only ‘sessional’ or what we now call zero hours contracts and a few of the witnesses were young people who I worked with as a youth worker… so I ended up losing work out of it and struggling to going back to my evening job working in the streets as a detached/outreach youth worker talking to young people, trying to help them look for more productive things to do in life.
After the events unfolded and eventually the rest of life started to go back to ‘normal’, I realised that I had become scared and angry, a lot, my neck pain was worse from what they diagnosed as ‘whiplash’ at the time (turns out to be three trapped and/or damaged nerves in my neck)… I started to relive the event at night, in my sleep and throughout the day… it was as though I was back in the event every day of my life for a few years.
It felt like it was my mind trying in some strange way to protect me, but it played itself out in that I would feel scared, stressed and avoid things… then I started self-medicate with alcohol, ‘social’ drinking!
Years earlier, In my mid-teens I had a few run-ins with a few guys who were not known for their friendliness… one of them held a ‘lockback knife with shiny silver knuckle duster up to my throat for a long bus journey home, I used my ‘patter’ and humour and talked him down eventually… at that point I realised that I had a skill for sensing how to get out of situations.
But, later in life I would sabotage that sense by getting to drunk to notice. It got me close to getting into a lot of bother on a few occasions and it is only in the last few years I recognised this is what was happening.
My ‘car accident trauma’ combined with self-sabotage combined to make for some interesting behaviours. I found a few therapies that helped after my GP had not managed to help very much at all. The most effective solution that worked for me was when I went a few years back for two NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and hypnotherapy sessions with a great therapist in Paisley.
I realised then that I was ‘over my trauma’, and that I would later combine my mentoring work with skills and training in NLP and Life Coaching to help people get over their very own traumas.
In the Education section (link back) I also touch on a trauma while in Primary Education that turned out to play itself out in my own life… a male teacher who was a ‘baw faced’ bully, aggressive b@*#@rd, alcoholic and gambler in charge of caring for and educating 10 year old children… he physically threw me around a lot (as well as other boys in the class) and spend a lot of time screaming my name and shouting stuff in my face… One particular NLP technique with Life Coach Ali Campbell helped me get ‘past this’ event in a matter of less than 20 minutes, and Ali never even had to ask what actually happened. I have had the privilege of being trained by Ali Campbell in NLP, Life Coaching and in this particular technique which has given me the tools to help you get similar results.
If you want to finally get beyond your past trauma(s), please get in touch… I want you to feel as free as I do now!